My Not New Year's Resolutions!

I don't really believe in doing New Years resolutions mainly because I believe that whatever was unresolved in the previous year is still gonna follow you in the new year if it was not resolved before! However I like most people do feel a sense of motivation to work on things that bother me about myself , or to make goals to work on things around me. So this year I decided to call my "New Year's Resolution's" my Necessary improvements! And this year I have more then I have ever had. I believe this is do to the fact that the last couple of months have been quite hard! And I as well have been quite hard on myself, my family, and my friends! Physically my body is doing some very weird stuff and I believe that has taken quite a toll on me! Thankfully a doctors appointment is in the near future, and hopefully I can get some answers! But with all this weird stuff going on with my body it has made me feel very low about myself! Looking in the mirror brought tears to my eyes more then a few times, and realizing even sweat pants weren't fitting me made me think who in the world could think I'm pretty! I felt unattractive in every way! So needless to say it was time for a change! It all started with a simple shopping trip with my MIL. When she visits I know a trip to Kohl's is always on our list! We both get some needed girl time and who doesn't love shopping! But lately clothes shopping was very depressing. I had actually went as far as to tell everyone I did not want any clothes for Christmas because I knew trying them on would make me feel worse about myself.  But as soon as we started shopping I decided I was just going to embrace my new curvy 146lb body ( yep no lie, I no longer care there it is all out on the table!) and I was going to find clothes that fit me and worked for me! We filled up two carts full and we we're off to the dressing room! It was almost immediate I put on a size 15 juniors pants and they fit! I didn't have a muffin top and I felt sexy for the first time in a very long time! Now some things no matter the size just didn't look right which is normal for anyone, but by the time we left I really felt like I left with some staple items that made me feel really good! And then the thoughts of what else I could do to help my self feel better about myself started coming! As a Mom of 4 I tend to wear the same thing everyday. Something with elastic around my waist and in my hair and a nice bare teenage looking face, (I swear my skin thinks I'm 16 again! LOL) So I decided the only way to change that was to do stuff to help me not get bored with the way I look, boredom usually leads to me feeling not so hot about myself!  So with that said here are just a few of what I feel are some of my necessary improvements:
1. No sweat pants or t-shirts unless I'm cleaning
2. Must have some type of make-up on everyday
3.Must wear a new hair style every day for the next 30 days
4. Must wear some type of jewelry everyday not including my wedding ring
5. I must be up and ready before I take my kids to school
6. I must try some type of new outfit on everyday, something I wouldn't do normally
7. And at some point in the month I want to get a total make over. hair make up the whole thing!

Some of you may be reading this and thinking man that girl is really in to herself that's all she cares about this New Year. Some of you may be thinking doesn't she know it's not about looks it's about what's inside. So to those things I say this. When you look in the mirror and get on the scale everyday and think I just can't do this anymore, I just feel like giving up. My insides felt just as ugly as I felt on the inside! This has more to do with just how I look this has to do with letting myself  know I am pretty just how I am! No where in my list did you see DIET! I love food, I'm tired of pretending it's my enemy! I plan to make healthy choices but not kill myself if I choose to have ice cream! So there it is! These are just the resolutions I have for myself. I'm working on the stuff around the house and my family as we speak and I am very excited to see how they help us out and change our busy family dynamic! As far as my first set of improvements to get myself motivated and in check I plan to take a picture of myself everyday! This may be very boring but I'm hoping it motivates me! I know this wasn't a very uplifting post so here's to hoping at the end of the month I'm singing a totally different song! Happy New Year! Good luck with all of your "Necessary Improvements!"

Always There!

I am pretty sure I have never been this busy in my life! Three kids in school, the usual house work, errand running, hair clients, a million and one house projects, a puppy, the addition of two more kids, and oh yeah Christmas is coming up to I believe!  The last few weeks have been quite the trial for my family. More bills we're pilling in then what we we're making, my hair clients we're at an all time low, and our next option was going to be donating plasma which I HATE doing. And donating plasma was just to pay bills it couldn't even go to getting presents for our kids. And I hate to say it at this time I gave up hope, and well faith. It's such an easy thing to have when bills are getting paid and your getting along with your spouse and your kids are well behaved. But at the same time during those times I believe it's easy to forget who you owe all that too.  This is so not even close to the first time we had been in this position and I guess this time I just got angry. Angry with God! I felt like I don't understand we had done what society tells you to do.  My husband went to college and graduated a year after our third child was born. I went to cosmetology school and graduated before we we're even married.  But yet we have always been insanely tight on money. There's was one time for about 2 months after Jeremy had gotten a nice raise that we we're able to see a little bit passed each pay check. But shortly after that I was laid off from both of my baby sitting jobs and fired by my insanely awesome boss, so we we're back to not knowing how things were going to get paid.  I guess like I always tell Jeremy, I don't need to be rich it would just be nice to see some rewards from all of the hard work we have done. Instead of our school loans helping us they have put us about 70,000 dollars in the hole and destroyed our credit. Because of this I have a hard time telling my kids, yes you should go to college! Why when everyone else without a degree is making more then my husband???? Sorry that one does effect me a bit as you can plainly see.  Back to the topic at hand: God and I we're not seeing eye to eye!  I had filled out a million applications but felt sick every time I did. My goal for quite a few years now was to just be a Mommy, quit the hair stuff and just focus on my babies. And here I was looking again to work outside of the home yet again. Then the day came when I was talking to Jeremy about my job search, and my little Joshua piped up and said, "But I don't want a new Mommy!"  I think he was thinking that he would have a baby sitter which would feel like having a new Mommy. This was not ok with me at all. So crazy that that same afternoon doing child care popped into my head. For anyone that knows me this would normally be the farthest thing in my mind. But I really started to warm up to the idea. I had one interview within a couple of days, and felt iffy about it immediately. Again I got angry , I really needed a job  or we were in huge trouble soon. With having a few shut off notices I was starting to get very scared! Then I got another call from another mom looking for care for not one but two kids. My first thought was this is crazy but man do we need the money. Then after I talked to her for a bit my thought went to this is crazy, to this could be one of the best things that has happened to our family. Not even financially but because the kids we're the same age as my younger two, she was a teacher so I would always have breaks off, and after I told her how much my rates were she gave a me a $10 raise per hour immediately!  I'm on day two of the job and although I'm exhausted I'm incredibly happy. I realize because of me doing this I will see less of my friends, and will probably go crazy more often.  But my heart is happier then it's been in a long time. I spent a lot of time crying this last month, today I cried from laughing to hard! It felt amazing!  So with that said I always want to try to have a point to my blogs. Through all of these tough times , and me being angry at God I failed to see he was still providing everything we needed, nothing got shut off , and I got a pretty nice check right before Christmas!  My point.... God loves us always! When we are sad, when we've given up hope, when everything is going great and we've forgotten about him, when we don't feel that we're worth it, and also when we're angry! I know I will be angry again, I just pray I won't forget he was there when I was angry and when I asked for forgiveness!

Input please!

Oh the questions and ideas that have been running through my mind lately. So I thought it would be best to put it all out there and get other's input! So if you've got a minute I would love to hear your inner most thoughts! LOL just kidding these are fairly easy questions! LOL
1. What time do you wake up in the morning? Before or after your kids? And are you ready for your day before you they wake up or before they go to school, or you never know when you get ready you just go with the flow of the day?

2. I feel like my kids eat the same thing for breakfast everyday: cereal! I want to change it up a bit and would love some quick/cheap breakfast ideas that I can make either the night before or it bakes while I'm in the shower. Or it could even be yogurt and a granola bar, just something different.

3.How do you do cleaning in your house? Do you feel like your always trying to play catch up? Or do you have a schedule? Do your kids have chores, and how do they stick to them. My kids honestly struggle with having time for chores on the weekdays it's all about homework...blah! When do you set aside time to get big jobs done?

4. You all know my love /obsession with coupons, it's no secret I think there amazing little pieces of paper! LOL ! I was thinking of starting a couponing group. We meet at each others houses for maybe two hours. Clip, exchange, organize, make shopping lists, and share secrets! All while getting to chat with our friends and maybe share a little snack! I just what to get a feel of who would be up to it first and how often you would want to meet.

5. As money gets tighter and tighter in our house I am trying to come up with extra ways to make money without getting a job outside of the house, or working myself to the bone in the house. When money is tight what do you do to make up for the difference. Our ultimate goal is for me to quit doing hair all together , but I just get so nervous because I know we need the money. But this month I only have one client and that is very scary as well. I'm very much at a crossroads right now. If you stay home how did you decide that it would all work out. What did you get rid of or cut back on so that you could?

Alright I know there's a million more but I think that's it for now! Thanks for any input you may have! I love to hear other women's ideas/opinions!

Doing Nothing is Not an Option!

I think that I have written and said a thousand times in the last few months that changes are coming our way. My first thought was something big such as a raise, a new baby, or a big move. In some crazy ways God has shown me these are not the changes to expect. We no longer get child support which means we've taken quite a pay cut, we had a baby scare last month that turned out to be just that, a scare! And I am feeling more at home everyday feeling like this house is one that will teach to be more thankful for what I have everyday!
But as many of us know if we shut up and listen God will tell us exactly what we need to know and just that! I kept trying to make our own plan. You know like, I feel like God is telling us a change is coming maybe we should have another baby, maybe that's what it is. Or maybe I should get a job to take care of the money we're no longer getting. I'm sure I came up with about twenty other things I could do make some major changes so that I could feel like I had really heard from God and that was what he had told me to do!
But last Thursday night there was no mistaking it, I felt God through every being in my body! I had chills up my spine, and felt as giddy as a school girl! God had answered a prayer that I had been asking for awhile, what are these changes you have for us? His response: The change is YOU!  I am making you brand new through me, you will no longer try to make your own plan, instead you will begin to listen to mine!
The honest truth, I have been a fan of God for quite sometime now! If I put on a good show I will surely pass as a good Christian, if I read the Bible to my kids every now and again God will see I'm trying, and my favorite one, we go to church every Sunday therefor I have met all of my Christian like duties and I am good to go! After watching a wonderful series through our church called not a fan I realized that was exactly what I had become! But lately I decided to listen more and boy am I glad I did! The last few weeks have been a bit convicting , but also incredibly life changing! After watching a series where a man had a heartatache was given a second chance at life he chose to be a follower of Christ! Choosing to listen to God even when his family thought he was crazy. In one of the situations he was trying to help a homeless child. his wife asked him why, his response, "Doing nothing is just not an option!"  Right as he said it I felt like I had been punched in the stomach! I had been doing nothing for quite a few years now and felt just fine until that moment! This thought rang through my ears for days to come! " DOING NOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION!" " DOING NOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION!" " DOING NOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION!"  My husband of course had backed me up 100% with this , and changes are going to be happening! We are not a wealthy family but God has already pointed me in so many directions as to what I can do to help others!  I feel so beyond blessed for this feeling of change! Thank you God for your mercies! Thank you for this change! I pray that this blog inspires you to listen to God, talk to him more, you never know what you may be missing by thinking you are in  control! Live for today, because there may not be a tomorrow!

Double the Fun!

I tend to write my blogs in two's just because I tend to write only when I have a lot on my mind and it always seems to be a lot of different topics that wouldn't make sense in one blog! As I mentioned earlier Taylor was just adopted last week. One of the reasons (or really I think the entire reason) the papers we're signed was because we forgave him of over 26,000 dollars in back child support! Although this angered me since I know I will never be forgiven of any debt simply for the reason that I'm irresponsible , or that I changed my mind and decided I didn't want to what was expected of me! I felt this money was owed to me! But at the same time I knew there was no other way. If we did not go through with this chances we're that he would not sign the papers, we would go through a trial and face the chances that Tony could win some visitations! This was not a risk we we're willing to take. So therefore a lot will change in our house financially. Although we had gone through some dry spells with not getting any child support we had also gotten it a lot of times, sometimes adding up to $500 dollars a month. At times we depended on this money to survive. It wasn't smart but it's what we had to do sometimes. It was always a nice thing to open my checking account and see a couple extra $100 dollars I hadn't expected. Looking back I wish we would have been smart and put it into a savings account so that when a situation  like this happened we would never really know what it was like to have it in the 1st place!
Now for the weird flip side that hit me today! What a BLESSING this is! Yes of course getting the adoption done was a blessing, there is no question there! But out of nowhere I felt that no longer getting this money is the best thing for us! In church we've been hearing about so many families that live off of far less then what we do! I feel like this will help us to see what things we REALLY NEED to live off of! Like I mean NEED! I like to think that I am a thrifty shopper, but indeed I am a shopper. So it doesn't matter how thrifty you are if you do it often you can find yourself in trouble! This can be the same case with eating out, entertainment, and heck even grocery shopping! With only one very little credit card, and a teeny tiny savings we have nothing to fall back on! I use to think heck I'm sure I'll get child support so we can go out to eat or what not!
With the holidays quickly approaching money can be the first thing to come into our minds. Because indeed you do need money to buy gifts!  And indeed that is what we sadly tend to focus on during the holidays. There has to be a way to still have a rockin' Christmas without all the worry of presents and money! So this year I am trying to be as creative as possible with ways we can give back to those less fortunate! I want to show my kids just how important it is to think of others and focus less with what cool presents are under the tree!
With that being said I also plan to try to stick to as many homemade gifts as possible, that can go with things my kids already own. Through the years I have very much learned that just because I think it's super crazy cool, my kids will probably lose interest very quickly and it will get ruined or lost! So here is to a new mindset! I think this just may be our best Christmas yet! May yours be great as well!

Finally back to normal!

As many of you know Taylor's adoption finally happened last Wed! It was a great day filled with lots of smiles, tears, and thankfully family! I can just see such a huge weight has been lifted from my husbands shoulders! As for me I'm just so glad our family can go back to exactly what is was before lawyers and court rooms came into the picture. I just wanted to share some pictures from that day, as well as thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers! Although Taylor has always been called Taylor Stark I feel something tingle inside that makes me almost cry when I say it now. I'm just so glad nothing will ever come between her and her Daddy again!

My own personal comedians!

It is oh so very true that kids can say some pretty hilarious things. Since they are incredibly honest it can make for some pretty interesting and exciting conversations.  We enjoy asking our kids questions about life when they get older and seeing what their responses are. I try to write down as many of them as possible so that they can hear how they made me laugh on an everyday basis.  Lately Joshua has been cracking me up the most! His growing little mind sure has a TON of funny thoughts! So I thought I should give everyone a good laugh and share some of them!

*The other day as we're driving to school Isaiah shares with me that Joshua does not want to get married! Being the ladies man that he is I thought hmmmm, something can't be right about that statement. So I ask him "Joshua do you really not want to get married?", he says "I can't get married Momma", "Why not?" " Because if I get married I will have to drive my wife around in her car and I don't know how to drive!" After a good laugh and an explanation that before he gets married he will indeed know how to drive before he has to drive his lady around all has been solved and Joshua is very ready to get married! LOL

*You will see that Joshua talks a lot about getting married. This next statement about made me pee my pants. I have no clue how he could have even thought of it. Jeremy has a BB gun that he keeps under the bed to use to scare of intruders. There is nothing at all in it so not like it will do anything but hopefully he shadow will scare away intruders. Anywho, as I'm getting ready Joshua brings it into the bathroom and says ,"here ya go Momma, Daddy got this when you fell in love and got married!" LOL, LOL, LOL!  Way to go honey, he already knows what to be prepared for !

*The last one was today after church when he announced that he was marrying a princess! He would make her feel special by buying her jewelry, make up and a tiara! He would also tell her he loves her and kiss her a lot! I about cried! But the best part came when we went back to the car discussion and how he was going to have money to provide a car for his princess bride. He says, "oh yeah I need money." "How do you get money?"  "I'm gonna get $1,000 dollars, I'm gonna find it on the floor!" LOL Tomorrow I plan to search the entire house to find the $1,000 before he does! LOL

I hope you all had a good laugh! I love how kids just speak what's on their mind! After all they are my kids, what else would you expect! LOL