Always There!

I am pretty sure I have never been this busy in my life! Three kids in school, the usual house work, errand running, hair clients, a million and one house projects, a puppy, the addition of two more kids, and oh yeah Christmas is coming up to I believe!  The last few weeks have been quite the trial for my family. More bills we're pilling in then what we we're making, my hair clients we're at an all time low, and our next option was going to be donating plasma which I HATE doing. And donating plasma was just to pay bills it couldn't even go to getting presents for our kids. And I hate to say it at this time I gave up hope, and well faith. It's such an easy thing to have when bills are getting paid and your getting along with your spouse and your kids are well behaved. But at the same time during those times I believe it's easy to forget who you owe all that too.  This is so not even close to the first time we had been in this position and I guess this time I just got angry. Angry with God! I felt like I don't understand we had done what society tells you to do.  My husband went to college and graduated a year after our third child was born. I went to cosmetology school and graduated before we we're even married.  But yet we have always been insanely tight on money. There's was one time for about 2 months after Jeremy had gotten a nice raise that we we're able to see a little bit passed each pay check. But shortly after that I was laid off from both of my baby sitting jobs and fired by my insanely awesome boss, so we we're back to not knowing how things were going to get paid.  I guess like I always tell Jeremy, I don't need to be rich it would just be nice to see some rewards from all of the hard work we have done. Instead of our school loans helping us they have put us about 70,000 dollars in the hole and destroyed our credit. Because of this I have a hard time telling my kids, yes you should go to college! Why when everyone else without a degree is making more then my husband???? Sorry that one does effect me a bit as you can plainly see.  Back to the topic at hand: God and I we're not seeing eye to eye!  I had filled out a million applications but felt sick every time I did. My goal for quite a few years now was to just be a Mommy, quit the hair stuff and just focus on my babies. And here I was looking again to work outside of the home yet again. Then the day came when I was talking to Jeremy about my job search, and my little Joshua piped up and said, "But I don't want a new Mommy!"  I think he was thinking that he would have a baby sitter which would feel like having a new Mommy. This was not ok with me at all. So crazy that that same afternoon doing child care popped into my head. For anyone that knows me this would normally be the farthest thing in my mind. But I really started to warm up to the idea. I had one interview within a couple of days, and felt iffy about it immediately. Again I got angry , I really needed a job  or we were in huge trouble soon. With having a few shut off notices I was starting to get very scared! Then I got another call from another mom looking for care for not one but two kids. My first thought was this is crazy but man do we need the money. Then after I talked to her for a bit my thought went to this is crazy, to this could be one of the best things that has happened to our family. Not even financially but because the kids we're the same age as my younger two, she was a teacher so I would always have breaks off, and after I told her how much my rates were she gave a me a $10 raise per hour immediately!  I'm on day two of the job and although I'm exhausted I'm incredibly happy. I realize because of me doing this I will see less of my friends, and will probably go crazy more often.  But my heart is happier then it's been in a long time. I spent a lot of time crying this last month, today I cried from laughing to hard! It felt amazing!  So with that said I always want to try to have a point to my blogs. Through all of these tough times , and me being angry at God I failed to see he was still providing everything we needed, nothing got shut off , and I got a pretty nice check right before Christmas!  My point.... God loves us always! When we are sad, when we've given up hope, when everything is going great and we've forgotten about him, when we don't feel that we're worth it, and also when we're angry! I know I will be angry again, I just pray I won't forget he was there when I was angry and when I asked for forgiveness!